My Own Dear Brother by Holly Müller

Author:Holly Müller
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781408866801
Publisher: Bloomsbury
Published: 2015-12-11T14:58:15+00:00

24

They returned to the hospital every day for the next two weeks. They became so well acquainted with the receptionist of the main building that before they even reached her desk, she’d call out a greeting. ‘Good morning! His treatment’s not over yet. You may not visit today.’

Herr Esterbauer tried to convey a sense of resolute confidence to Frau Hillier in his telegrams. He’d find his way to Schosi, as a tenacious dog eventually suffocates its larger prey by clamping over the throat and refusing to release. But neither he nor Ursula were so unwavering and sure. With each cajoling lie from the hospital staff about Schosi being perfectly well, about his ‘treatment’, their foreboding mounted, each passing moment the loss of another opportunity to save him. Ursula became hopeless, overwhelmed, exhausted. Herr Esterbauer too was beginning to flag. He worried about his mother, his farm.

They went a few times to search the Hartburg grounds, hunting for the children’s ward amongst the many buildings, looking in at windows, though most were too high and they could only grab the bars and shin up to peep over the sill, seeing little. Herr Esterbauer turned the handles on doors but found them bolted. Twice, a patrolling security guard came and questioned them. They pretended to be lost. The guard, poker-faced, escorted them from the grounds, unresponsive when Herr Esterbauer joked about being a forgetful old Opa with no sense of direction.

‘It’s time to act,’ the farmer said one day as they sat together on a bench in front of the Hofburg Palace, having not long returned from Hartburg. He rubbed his hands to warm them, an agitated motion, then leaned forward, elbows on his knees. ‘Our luck won’t last, they’ll call the police and that’ll be the end of it.’

‘What would be best?’ said Ursula, her mind darting instantly ahead; yes, they must do something, something drastic, anything at all. It was too, too horrible to just sit like this, to go back to the apartment for a meal, to sleep on clean sheets and pillows. She leaned forward also. ‘What shall we do?’

‘What shall I do?’ Herr Esterbauer cleared his throat then said levelly, ‘You must go home now, Ursula.’

She said nothing for a moment. Of course, she’d known at some point this would come. He wished her gone; she’d been nothing but trouble. She looked up at the symmetrical, curved wings of the Hofburg Palace. This time it sounded like he meant it. But she couldn’t go, could she? Without her, all would fail – she felt this rather than thought it, a conviction in her gut. It was she who must make this right. Herr Esterbauer could ask her all he liked, implore, command her. Mama’s infuriated telegrams and her own homesickness wouldn’t dissuade her either; she’d not go back. In her dreams Schosi called her name, the name he’d given her, little bear, pressing his wristwatch to his ear as if there he’d find an answer, needing her to come.

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